


Blue Monday

by Salamandosbride



Category: The Mighty Boosh RPF
Genre: Angst, Depression, It's really up to you at the end of this what happens, M/M, emotional distress, possible suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 18:40:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6482617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salamandosbride/pseuds/Salamandosbride
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noel drinks his sorrow away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blue Monday

**Author's Note:**

> Something I wrote at 3 in the morning after getting the feels from Blue Monday by New Order. Includes lyrics from Disorder by Joy Division, Enjoy The Silence by Depeche Mode and Disintergration by The Cure.

"How does it feel... To treat me like you do?" 

Noel spent many nights contemplating these lyrics sat alone, taking sips from an ever dwindling supply of spirits, physically and mentally. Julian was driving him to the brink of insanity with all his fleeting touches, his gentle caresses. All meant nothing, naturally. Maybe Julian teased Noel like this on purpose, maybe he didn't realise how much of a sensual being he actually was. But Noel noticed it all, and quite frankly he was thinking of turning back to the needle, to the drugs. To forget it all. To numb the pain. What if Julian was a sadist? That'd make sense. Who would tempt and frustrate someone to the point of self-destruction for no reason? Noel had almost had enough. And, most people could see it. Once he overheard a heated exchange between Mike and Julian, his brother detailing to Julian the destruction he was doing to Noel's mental health. Noel took another swig of his bottle and sat back into the armchair, closing his eyes and losing himself to the beat.

"Until the spirit new sensation takes hold then you know..."

The thrum of the bass paced through his veins, heart falling in time with the beat of the drums. Julian had done it again. He'd touched him in a way that meant everything, but nothing all at the same time. It was quite sad really, to feel so deeply for someone who didn't care, didn't respond. Noel had been trying for years, trying to make him touch him in a way that was meaningful, not in a way to cripple his emotions. There was many a time where he'd go into a corner and stifle tears from a broken heart after something so simple as a touch of hands. Julian knew of course, he always knew. Always knowing, always observant of everything that goes on. Tears welled up in Noel's eyes as he thought of the cold looks Julian would give him afterwards. Icy, sharp looks that'd make Noel's heart shatter. The pain had overtook his senses now, the drink not able to wash the inevitable feelings away anymore. Noel slid a crumpled mess onto the floor and let the latest bottle drain along with his self-control.

"Words like violence, break the silence come crashing in... To my little world."

Words broke the silence, resonating with the now broken man. Noel was now a shell, a hollow being. He didn't know what he was doing with his life anymore. The words crushed him. Two little words had brought down Goliath and David was just watching, laughing. Sometimes the pain would get too much, but this was beyond pain. Any natural feelings didn't apply to this state of being. It was just floating in a dark subconscious, not even aware of itself as anything of before. Julian found Noel in his dressing room drinking from a flask, weighing himself. He walked into the eerily quite room and closed the door behind himself. Noel eyed Julian painfully. Why was he here? Usually he didn't want anything to do with Noel. 

"I'm sorry." 

If it wasn't for those words, he wouldn't be breaking apart. There was nothing left but shards of glass where his heart used to be, beating away with life. The floor was now covered with alcohol and warm tears as he sobbed quietly into the carpet.

"Breaking apart like I'm made of glass again..." 

The medicine cabinet was now open, pills strewn all over the tiled floor. Flung about in an alcohol induced rage. It affected him too greatly this time to only get violently drunk. Tables were strewn around, chairs broken and bottles broken on walls as the rampage increased. Too many times this had happened. Noel was tired. Emotions had now gotten uncontrollable, swirling around in his mind, amalgamating with everything in his being. Julian finally went and did it this time. The kiss was soft and gentle, lips brushing and cheeks touching. He whispered the three words into Noel's ear, feeling the heartbreak and sorrow as Noel broke away and scurried off back to his concubine, drink and prescription medicine. Julian finally fell apart, slumping to his knees, chastising himself for being so stupid, so careless. Noel unscrewed the cap to the container and took all the sweet relief he could before washing it down with his final drink.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hate writing both of them like this, I feel like an asshole :(


End file.
